Same But Different

69. Same But Different (4 August 2026)

A memorial walkway, with one olive tree for
each one who died, and their name engraved 
on a plaque (4 Aug. 2026 - Port of Beirut)

For the past six years the same scene on the coastal highway of Beirut plays like a rerun. Crowds gather on the “autostrade”, vehicle traffic is diverted from the protion astride the Port of Beirut, speeches are made and tears are shed for the hundreds killed or maimed in the 2020 disaster, for which not a single person has been held accountable. It’s always the same: crisis, death, tragedy, and no accountability.

            Maria, Sevag and I were visiting friends that day six years ago, enjoying some properly-masked, outdoor, Covid-era socialization, when in an instant the world changed. It was a day very different than the five anniversaries since: part summer beauty, part horror movie. And subsequent August fourths have been different, yet mired in the numbing sameness of impunity that blankets not just Lebanon, but all the countries of the region. How easy and how natural it is to conclude that nothing will ever change, particularly in the Middle East?

We were wondering, "What will open next to 
the Starbucks coffeeshop?" We returned to 
find that a "Latte Art" coffeeshop opened.
(18 July 2026 - Mar Mikhael-Beirut)

            After a 130-day stay in Armenia we returned home to Lebanon over two weeks ago. The reason I know that number is because each night my computer reminded me how long it had been since its last backup. So, arriving home and reconnecting the backup drive was particularly satisfying, and not the usual same-old same-old.

            Reconnecting with daily life in Beirut brought a strange sensation of being the same as any other day, like we had never left; yet something was different. Nothing seemed out of place, and we had no sense of disconnection. Everything appeared the same, save that it was cold then and stiflingly hot and humid now. Things we were following in the news since March, such as displaced families along the seaside and tent cities on open lots, were nowhere to be seen. Before our return they had been moved to other locations set up by the government, it seems. The construction of huge, meaningless structures has continued. Weddings, graduations and social activities went on without hiatus. The dollarization of the economy continued, as has emigration from Lebanon to the ostensibly “secure” West. Everything was just as it has always been. Or perhaps not.

The latest archaeological dig, right behind us;
and another dig to the left of the tall white
building. (21 July 2026 - Geitawi-Beirut)

            On the street directly behind our residence (and the church headquarters) two lots have been temporarily spared from having new apartment buildings erected on them, because Roman-era structures were found just under the surface of the soil. Archaeologists have expressed surprise at these findings, as they had no evidence that the city limits of Berytus (as it was called 2,000 years ago) extended this far east. Additionally, in these past months a Roman necropolis (cemetery) was unearthed nearby. I am sure that there is much more that could be found if there is a willingness – and funding – to do so. And the accepted history of the city will change!

One last coffee before our departure!
Smile! (15 July 2026 - Yerevan)

            One can be numbed by sameness, or near-sameness, and miss seeing the changes and developments that occur all the time. I try to take note of variations, whether in music or speech or ideas, differences that help me to maintain interest in things that seem deathly stable. Even when dealing with people who “will never change”, there, too, I can see changes, though it might be for the worse.

            “So, how was Armenia?” – I am excitedly asked by people who are tired of the daily challenges of life in Lebanon, expecting me to praise every detail of Armenia (by which they mean the Yerevan that they know from their 10-day vacations there) and do the usual, point-by-point comparisons, putting Lebanon down. When I try to point out both pros and cons, striving to present a more nuanced picture, they are often not interested, certain that the “Armenia-good/Lebanon-bad” formula is the unchanging standard. Our extended stay there enriched our appreciation both for what Armenia has, as well as what it doesn’t have. We understood more deeply that Armenia is more than a political entity; what is “Armenia” and “of Armenia” is also present in people and places outside those borders, not the least of which include Lebanon and Syria.

LebCat 69: "Oh, hello. Since you weren't
using your balcony for the past 4-1/2 months,
I kept all the strangers away, OK?" 
(26 July 2026 - Geitawi-Beirut)

            “So, what’s it like in Lebanon?” – I am also asked by those who assume it is better than life in Armenia. Their question is often tinged with regrets over the war, which may be thwarting their hopes for leaving Armenia. Others will ask how safe it is to be living in a non-Christian country and are surprised when I reveal that Arabs can also be Christian. My telling them, “It’s the same in many ways, but also different” does not convince them to appreciate the layers of understanding demanded by such questions, sure as they are that my answers will be the same as the conclusions they’ve already drawn.

            Definitely, it can be disconcerting to continually have to deal with what is familiar but not exactly what you expected. My guess is that the “same but different” principle not only keeps learning about things fresh and active, but it keeps human relationships that way, too!   [LNB]

Letters from Exile

 68. Letters from Exile (24 April 2026)

Year upon year this awareness is inculcated
in the hearts of the next generation
(24 April 2026 - Yerevan)

It has been 52 days since our “exit” from Beirut at the outbreak of the latest war on Lebanon, at the behest of our mission board. We have settled into a somewhat regular existence here in Yerevan, Armenia, contributing what we can online to the churches and institutions we were called to serve, while also offering occasional support in person to the Armenian Evangelical church union here. There are quite a few around us, clergy and others, whom we know from time they have spent in Beirut. There are also those who have sought refuge here in Armenia, sort-of “exiles” from their homelands.

Though in the distance, Ararat is an integral 
part of the Genocide Memorial
(24 April 2026 - Yerevan)

            “Homeland” is a contested concept for Armenians. The expectation of many non-Armenians is that Armenians the world over, without exception, consider today’s Republic of Armenia as their “homeland”. True, it is the only political entity that can be found on a modern map that provides that particular identity. Yet it also can be seen in the equivalency held by many Armenians as well, insisting that Armenians everywhere must think and feel that Armenia is their only homeland. However, many others, and possibly a majority of Armenians, carry a dual loyalty. They hold today’s Armenia in a special place in their self-understanding, while also remaining deeply rooted in their Diaspora homelands. Additionally, they often bear yet a third, precious “homeland” in their hearts, one that is rooted in the soil of Western Armenia. So, an Armenian who was born and raised in the Middle East can be deeply connected to the Republic of Armenia, visiting it often and caring about its present and future; and said person may also feel a strange magnetic pull when visiting various sites in today’s Turkey and seeing the people and places from which their parents, grandparents and even great-grandparents were driven. They are – that is, we are – ever children of exile, the descendants of those whose roots were pulled from their native soil, whose roots have been repeatedly replanted: belonging to more than one homeland, yet not fully belonging to any of them.

The ECA/AMAA delegation presenting their 
floral wreaths (24 April 2026 - Yerevan)

            Today, Armenian Martyrs’ Day, as we recall for the 111^th time national displacement and loss, and inhabit the collective trauma that is yet a further, possibly universal, “homeland” for Armenians, I cannot help but experience regret. I regret all of the fragile root tendrils my elders carried, tendrils that I could have cared for in my childhood and adolescence, but did not, or was not encouraged to. Because collective amnesia (not just by the perpetrators, but also by those who suffered) is sometimes the only way to deal with a history too ugly to recall. Still, those tender roots that I did cultivate over the years have nevertheless sustained me and helped me to bear days like today, in such a situation in which we find ourselves. One thing that this extended stay in Armenia has shown me (the longest stretch we have ever had in Armenia), is that with God’s help my heart can stretch such that I can call this place “homeland”, while also calling Lebanon “home,” and the United States, too. Each has its own flavor and its own pull. Each has its own frustrations and disappointments. I do not have to close my heart towards two of them in order to embrace the third. This is not a revelation, of course; it is what it means to be a “third-culture” kid. (Look it up.)

Assyrian-Armenians preparing to ascend to 
the Genocide memorial; a shared struggle 
(24 April 2026 - Yerevan)

            Today I joined my Armenian Evangelical colleagues and friends, and mixed together with many Armenians, Armenian-Assyrians, Armenian-Yezdis, along with a smattering of Europeans and Americans (aside from me, that is), to make the long climb to the Genocide Memorial, the “Fortress of Swallows”, and remember, and reconnect, and rededicate ourselves to our rightful place among the living, and refuse to be a relic or an oddity in this world. I pray my descendants, whether by blood or by choice, will honor their ancestors by carrying forward a legacy of wisdom, sacrifice, service, creativity and faith. Easier said than done.

A symbol of what is, can, and should be 
Lebanon: Lent and Ramadan fasting 
on the same days this year 
(21 Feb. 2026 - Port of Beirut)

            Last week we ran into friends from Artsakh, friends we hadn’t seen since before the Armenian population was blockaded in 2023 and then “allowed” by Azerbaijan to abandon their centuries-old homeland. Seeing them and hearing about their children and grandchildren was heartwarming and hopeful, and they seemed to be adjusting, bit by bit, to their new homeland, Armenia. We weren’t completely lost as we conversed, since they spoke to us in Yerevan Armenian rather than their Artsakh dialect. That is, until a friend of theirs from Stepanakert approached, and they immediately switched to the language of their homeland!

LebCat(s) 68 - The butcher's window; 
better than watching CatTV 
(27 Feb. 2026 - Mar Mikhael, Beirut)

            This friend said to me, “I am sad for our lost homeland, but you know what makes me sadder? Seeing the way things are today in Armenia.” I asked him to say a little more, and he obliquely hinted at the divisions that are making Armenians intolerant of one another, dividing into factions and thinking the worst of others. Being that there are parliamentary elections in 44 days, this atmosphere will likely only intensify and will be unlikely to recede following that day.

            As our exile from Lebanon grows longer, we are also concerned about that which is dividing the people in our Lebanese homeland, and the increasing intolerance we are catching wind of. Certainly, nobody wants the country’s misery to continue, misery that has only grown in the thirty-five or so years since the end of the Civil War. But not tolerating unrest and war cannot be at the cost of the intolerance of others, people who also call Lebanon their homeland.

            And as God teaches in such times of exile, we are learning to seek the peace of the cities of our repeated displacements (Jerem. 29.7) and to hold each place in our hearts as a beloved homeland.   [LNB]

Listening for Joy

66. Listening for Joy (31 August 2025)

Trust the Lebanese to find humor in the 
threat of bombing. (5 July 2025 - Antelias)

It almost never fails. From a nearby balcony on Sunday afternoons I can hear the sounds of children laughing, playing, splashing, arguing, making up, and the occasional sound of adult intervention when needed. I’ve never seen these children, but I know that they are an integral part of the soundscape around our Geitawi apartment on Sundays. It seems that this family does not go up to the cool mountains, like so many Beirutis do, but content themselves with their apartment (I don’t even know which building they are in!) and their games on the balcony. I can tell that one of them is a boy, because since I’ve started innocently eavesdropping a couple of years ago, one of the voices has started to get deeper and gruffer. The joy of their play brings me joy, as well as a bit of longing to be able to witness firsthand their innocent and fierce childhood interaction.

Adding some color to the usual drab 
concrete - not a bad idea. 
(2 July 2025 - Geitawi, Beirut) 

            How is it that they are able to be so carefree, when Lebanon, the region, and beyond is in such turmoil? Isn’t it because they are children, and they have not yet been burdened with the cares and woes of adolescence, youth and maturity? Nearby are their protectors, the elders of the family, and there is no need to think beyond the moment. It is as it should be.

            Since returning from the U.S. this summer, each night my mind has been occupied with the antithesis of these children’s world: the security situation in the country, the threats from Lebanon’s erstwhile “neighbors”, with their warplanes and their self-justifications. Images of children and adults being deliberately starved and bombed for no particular objective other than to create misery and usurp their homeland. Additionally, my mind is crowded with reports of the actions of the elected leaders of “our homeland” (as we Armenians like to call the land which has never been “home”), ceding the past, future and present of Armenia to those who have repeatedly betrayed us; relying on smiles, promises and handshakes; increasingly suppressing dissent from current governmental policies and proclamations. Add to this the careless rush of so many individuals and people groups toward a more mechanized, inhuman and technology-ruled future…

Works perfectly, as long as there is no 
emergency. (18 June 2025 - AUH, Beirut)

            The cacophony that occupied my jet-lagged mind in those weeks contained no joy. Though my jet-lag has mostly passed, but the inner cacophony continues, since the present, tragic condition of this world shows little evidence of substantial improvement or hope. Enduring nightmarish nights, I eventually realized I must seek joy elsewhere, after the morning’s light, when I could intentionally focus on life and hope. And intentionally do the same during my evening prayers, making the nights more tolerable. To focus on the joy that I can discern.

            Like a child beginning to walk learns by walking and experimenting with the best way to keep his balance, I am finding a way out of the funk of each day by squinting expectantly in this direction or that. Something is bound to suggest to me that, yes, there is joy to be found.

Mirrors and mosaics at the refurbished 
"Jim's Steaks" (5 Aug 2025 - Philadelphia)

            To start with, I am learning to watch and listen for joy amid the noise, and not wait for things to improve in order to shift my focus. Here is some of what I found.

            Recently at a school program I had a friend’s three-year-old on my lap as we waited for the program to start. I was enjoying interacting with her, perhaps a bit too much. Soon I realized that I was undermining the careful guidance her parents had instilled in her. I also realized that I was relishing the moment too much to help her behave… or to behave myself! But it was a potent injection of joy!

Somebody has some wild ideas for a new 
sidewalk design. (19 Aug. 2025 - Geitawi)

                              When visiting elders at the Armenian Sanatorium, a few of us pastors went into the room of a bedridden woman, and heard her singing, unprompted, the very same song of assurance that we had just been singing outside. It was a message from God that he was present in her room before we showed up, reminding us of his care. Another influx of joy and peace!

            Driving back from exercising one night I noticed red and blue flashing lights. In my (North American) experience that could mean only one thing: an emergency vehicle, perhaps a police car, or a fire engine, or an ambulance. I should be pulling over and letting it pass as quickly as possible, right? However, this is Lebanon, and as I approached the flashing lights, I realized that the “emergency lights” were something else. A taxi, with its shiny chrome accessories and colorful garlands around the windows, either picking up or dropping off a customer. It could have also been a water delivery truck, or even a coffee van, both of which make use of those red and blue strobes. I used to be bothered by this “misuse” of emergency lights. Now I just smile and shake my head. Smiling is not a substitute for joy, but it helps calm things down inside.

LebCat 66 - Keeping a watchful eye over 
shoppers on Arax Street. 
(22 Aug. 2025 - Bourj Hammoud)

        On a recent night when I was taking the trash to the dumpster across the street I was taken aback by the illumination on our building’s usual pitch-black section of the street. I looked up, and on the utility pole was a brand-new, solar-powered street light! Whirling around to the other end of our building I saw a second street light, shining in the darkness! For some reason, the municipality finally replaced those two lights, which had been burned out and covered with overgrown trees for at least as long as we’ve been here in Lebanon. Fortunately, I wasn’t so disoriented that I forgot to dump the trash.

            The other week I was alone on the balcony mid-day, with the sound of traffic, and horns, and trash trucks, with the hammering and yelling from a nearby construction site, and the incessant rumbling of private generators all around me, when I heard… the laughter and chatter of children’s voices. Could it be? It wasn’t a Sunday, but like a bird chirping in the middle of a rainstorm, there it was! A moment of joy, a vicarious participation in the carefree play of those neighbor children.

            So perhaps those glimpses of joy are always there, and what I need to do is to calm down and pay attention so as to hear or see these points of joy, and then to be refreshed and encouraged to carry on. And to realize that when I continue my work in a positive and loving frame of mind, I can provide others with a glimpse of joy to see and be encouraged by.

            I think I’ll make this a habit.   [LNB]

Welcome Home

65. Welcome Home (14 April 2025)

"MLGA" - doesn't roll off the tongue very
nicely. I wonder how it would look on a cap?
(14 Apr. 2025 - Bourj Hammoud)

It has been almost four weeks since our return to Beirut from our “home assignment”, and we are relieved to be back. Not because everything is rosy or easy, but because we have a sense that we are where we are supposed to be, where we are called to be. Yes, the electricity and water supply is still unstable. Yes, the Internet is sometimes there, sometimes not, but always slow. Yes, the roads are full of people who care even less than before about how they drive. Yes, they still think that their car horns will magically cause the traffic in front of them to disappear. Yes, buildings continue to ascend to serve those who do not feel the pain of ordinary Lebanese. Yes, the economy is still in tatters, banks are continuing to abuse depositors, and we have to carry around dollars for larger purchases (such as groceries at the supermarket). Yes, the disparity between rich and poor is stark, and people mostly don’t notice the poor around them. Yes, drones still ply the skies overhead on behalf of “The Chosen”, to take note of and eliminate “The Rejected” and crush and kill “The Unlucky”. And, yes, the attacks by our war-mongering southern “neighbor” continues to be cheered on by the Machiavellian foreign policy of our home country. After we shared the news of the first attack on Beirut since our return, our son Sevag wrote to us: “Welcome home.” Sincere and ironic at the same time.

The end of another old building,
the beginning of another high-rise.
(25 Mar. 2025 - Ras Beirut)

            Sunday, April 13, marked a half-century since the Lebanese Civil War. It was a war, for sure, but the “civil” moniker is a debatable point. Wars are never polite, but more than that, it was not merely the outcome of local, societal tensions, but rather a product of regional conflicts, fueled by powers outside the region. In recent days we watched and read some remembrances and news commentaries, with lots of archival footage reminding us of that era in Lebanon. We lived through just a few – nine months’ worth – of the Civil War, when I was a theology student at NEST and Maria was a nurse at the American University Hospital. Perhaps it was at that time when Beirut started to occupy the quality of “home” in my thoughts and feelings. It was then that I had connected to something deeper than the misery and uncertainty of the war, something which some of my friends, now emigrated to the West, found puzzling. They would express their wonder: “You love this place more than us!”

The joy of children's "Hosannas"!
(13 Apr. 2025 - Qantari, Beirut

            But “home” is more than geography. It is geography plus people plus meaning. That is something we have found here, in this battered scrap of the remnant of Western Armenia. We regularly hear the comment, “Lebanon is such a beautiful country, but the people are trash! That’s the problem with this country.” Upon hearing this, a friend of ours countered, “But the people are beautiful, too! We have such dear ones around us, like you, to share a cup of coffee with!” Yesterday, during Palm Sunday services, I reminded myself that the presence of the children singing God’s praises, right before us, is more valuable than the memories of past Palm Sundays when there were so many more children, or when times were “better”.

Beirut ProTip: You can always find a place to
park if you look for the "No Parking" signs.
(11 Apr. 2025 - Hamra, Beirut)

            Living with contrasts and contradictions; that’s what it’s like to live in Lebanon. Some of the most beautiful springtime flowers in Beirut are the variegated orange blooms that come up amidst bright green leaves [Nasturtiums, for you gardeners] – and they are often seen proliferating… around garbage dumpsters. Or, to keep people from parking on sidewalks and to open up a place to walk instead of the streets, bollards are installed everywhere, to the point where you can’t walk on the sidewalks because the bollards take up all the space. Or, on Bliss Street, at the crosswalk across from the Main Gate of the American University, concrete blocks were placed in the street to keep people from double and triple parking and to improve the traffic flow. The result is that people double and triple park next to the obstacles, and so traffic on Bliss Street crawls more slowly in the narrow path remaining. And then there are the rubble-filled lots, or the bullet-ridden buildings that have been abandoned since the Civil War, that, thanks to nature, have given a bit of extra greenery to the crowded streets, while also serving as public toilets for taxi drivers. None of this is new to me, but it showed itself afresh as I reinstituted my daily walks, something I had scant opportunity to do while in the U.S.

 

Is Beirut still screaming? Shouldn't it be
louder? (28 Mar. 2025 - Gemmayzeh, Beirut)

           Last week while driving to the dojo where I work out I found myself stuck in a traffic jam, different than the usual evening rush hour. Motorbikes were weaving in and out of the rows of cars, some of them on delivery routes, but others of them with flags and Palestinian scarves. As I inched forward, I realized that I was headed into a demonstration. The wide sidewalk at Ain el Mraisseh was crowded with people, likely both Lebanese and Palestinians, protesting the war on Gaza. It seemed that those driving by were more in number than those on the sidewalk, though I didn’t stop and count. But as with all crises, including all the abuses perpetrated upon the Lebanese by their leaders, along with the rampant corruption infecting all spheres of life, things that may prove too entrenched to eradicate any time soon, those who just want to get on with their business (like me) will remain in the majority. Instead of resisting and raising our voices, we will merely complain and move on. But if it’s your home that’s at risk, shouldn’t you try to do more?

LebCat 65: Waiting for that one phone call,
that big break that will turn everything
around! (12 Apr. 2025 - Geitawi, Beirut)

            And so, my thoughts inevitably go to Armenia, both the part that the international community sort-of recognizes as well as the parts that are either ignored or considered inconvenient (even by some in Armenia’s officialdom). Calling Armenia “home” or “homeland” should lead us to do more than simply to hold a remembrance event on April 24. It must unite – in our thoughts, feelings and especially our actions – land, people and meaning, in the pursuit of what is just, not what is convenient. To that end, for the sake of “our homeland,” what am I doing? And what are you doing?   [LNB]

Who Are You Fooling

64. Who Are You Fooling? (11 November 2024)

A side street in autumnal Beirut
(4 Nov. 2024 - Gemmayzeh)

We’ve been telling people, “We will only be gone for four months,” as we prepare for our mandated “home assignment.” We’re going to the U.S. to have meetings and travel around to talk about our work, as well as to have our term agreement renewed. This was all supposed to happen next summer, but as Lebanon’s stability and safety became more questionable, and as Israel spread more and more misery around, our supporting bodies moved that four-month excursion to a fairly immediate departure, just four days from now. When we say to our colleagues and friends, “We’ll be back in four months,” are we fooling anyone with this hopeful but uncertain declaration? Who knows what monstrosities are yet to be perpetrated on peoples indigenous to the region, with the bloody complicity of the government of “the land of the free and the home of the brave”? Who are we fooling except ourselves?

Even Lebanon's cargo holders are painfully
crying "Akh!" (20 Oct. 2024 - Yerevan)

            Genocide, or “ethnic cleansing”, or “ensuring our security”, or the legion of other names assigned to it is so commonplace that we are no longer repulsed by the word – except when you are the one promulgating this policy. Exterminating those in the way of your expansionist designs is acceptable practice around the world, whether by Israel or Azerbaijan or Turkey (the ones that most immediately impact me as an Armenian, also linked together by their cooperative genocidal efforts). Brutality obliterates morality, and all the hand-wringing in the world will not protect the rescuers and witnesses trying to bring a modicum of humanity to this misery. As Israel targets hospitals, ambulances and journalists, and laughingly destroys families and lands, and as Azerbaijan (with Israeli technology) and Turkey destroy Armenian architectural heritage, convert churches to mosques or lying about their origin, they prepare themselves to richly receive the wrath of God (see Romans 1).

Political parties marking out their
territory, just like it was... 50 years ago.
(11 Nov. 2024 - Geitawi)

            Also puzzling are the regular announcements of an imminent cease-fire, an imminent end to hostilities in Gaza, the West Bank and Lebanon. Is the intent to fool a gullible public somewhere in the world? Or to raise hopes among those subjected to this sub-humanity, so as to shatter those hopes completely? Depending on who you talk to, this war will either be over in a couple of weeks, or will continue until Lebanon is also annexed and ceases to exist except on 20^th century maps.

            What causes me the most pain is seeing the long-term effects of this attack on Lebanon and the impotence or unwillingness to confront it, particularly as it relates to inter-communal relations. Apparently one of the aims of this war is to create internecine strife, pitting one community or demographic against another, trading blame, scapegoating, and so forth. It’s the “divide-and-conquer” approach of any occupying power throughout history.

Hopefully these children will be
just as enthusiastic about
actually reading.
(25 Oct. 2024 - Yerevan)

            Coming to an even more personal level, the wartime conditions further threaten and weaken the Armenian community of the country and region, and therefore the church, moreso than it already was last fall. Rather than us thinking ahead and building towards a more healthy and stable society, we are witnesses to the dismantling of what has been built for the last century. The saddest of all is the dismantling of families. Armenian parents actively encouraging their children to emigrate. Armenians with dual nationalities permanently, not temporarily, relocating. Skyrocketing numbers of divorces among Armenians. Rampant substance abuse, physical, sexual and mental abuse, wasting of income on legal and non-sanctioned gambling.

            Those of us in positions of responsibility must now focus on disasters at the expense of other non-urgent but important issues. Recalling the post-Genocide period, when the Armenian people were subject to similar stresses, the people in leadership intentionally looked at the community’s long-term needs and urgencies, not just immediate relief work, and built a legacy that endures till today. In this crisis if we must find a way not only to ameliorating people’s suffering from the war, but moreso to plan with faith for the future of what is the most important center of the Armenian Diaspora. Without visioning and planning we are only fooling ourselves into thinking that this community will continue its existence.

The faces and names of soldiers who fought
and died in the Artsakh war and
deportation, graffitied all over
the capital. (2 Nov. 2024 - Yerevan)

            One cannot help but feel a change in the capital, after the influx of a million internally displaced people on top of the three million residents of the metro area. Cars parked everywhere. Unfamiliar faces and dress. Arguments, fights and much worse over “squatters rights”. Generators catching fire from overloads while municipal electricity is scarcely supplied. The diffidence of what few police and army personnel are still visible. If Lebanon was a DIY country (see my previous post), then this is a DIY war, where the population is left alone to figure things out and survive by their own wits or connections, while bosses continue their decades old, self-serving political wrangling as usual.

            And when the war inevitably ends, what then? Will things magically return to their previous state, and people effortlessly drift back to their flattened villages? Will massacred families and clans magically reappear and reclaim their birthright? How much can one country fool itself? I say “one country”, although Lebanon is not really one country but an amalgam of tribes living within one political boundary. The building and rebuilding of society and the development of a healthy social contract where none are marginalized is one of the greatest challenges facing Lebanon in the coming decades, and is something that has been waiting to be addressed for its entire history.

LebCat 64: Intensely focused on birds
flying around... and certainly aware that
it is only a reflection? But they're so close!
(9 Nov. 2024 - Bourj Hammoud)

            Meanwhile, our friends’ faces bear fearful and questioning looks when we tell them about our change in plans. “You must know something, that’s why you’re going,” they say outright or imply non-verbally. Try as we may, we are unable to assure them that we have no insider knowledge about what is to come, something that contradicts their doubts concerning why we are leaving now instead of later. We cannot fool them into thinking otherwise, nor do we want to. And we hope we are not the fools, either. Only through hope in God can we look forward to their fears being disproved.

            So, without any self-deception, but with faith and hope we lovingly say that in four months we will be willing and able to return and continue our part in that work, “with God’s permission”, as the Arabic saying goes (“bi’izn Allah”).   [LNB]

System Overload

62. System Overload (20 August 2024)

An artist found beauty in the colors
and shapes of Beirut rooftops and skies
(31 July 2024 - Mar Mikhael)

When you live in a country that makes you provide your own basic services – things that citizens of other countries can take for granted – you have to get good at guessing. For example, though we’ve been enjoying nearly non-stop electricity for over a year following the solar power installation on our building, there are still quirks. When the (currently nonexistent, pun intended) municipal current exceeds the normal 220 volts, a system overload occurs, and we are left in the dark. We figured out that we had to wait until the municipal power “calms down” to something under 240 volts, then switch the main power off and on to resume our electricity. Problem managed (not solved)! Other power interruptions still occur, and we’re still trying to guess why…

Finding a way to get the job done,
and nobody got hurt - I think
(29 Mar. 2024 - Geitawi)

            “Overload” is also a daily issue in a place and a community with a plethora of needs and concerns but a dearth of willing and capable hands. Those who are willing and capable can often (somewhat understandably) be very protective of their time and energy. Others may be on the job but lack the necessary capabilities. Still others are unwilling to learn or change. I regularly wonder how overloading is affecting those around me.

            So many people have left this region (the “dearly departed”) for a more balanced or safer or prosperous life, and those who haven’t (yet) left continue to care for the community and experience more system overload. Since I’m now (in a way) part of this latter group, I try not to think about the load-bearing that we are doing, and just continue to plug along. Occasionally we find a little bit of energy left to train and empower others who have the potential to work for the common good, with the hopes that they will continue to stay side-by-side with us and not take an offramp.

A sidewalk collage with a message...
whatever happens
(10 July 2024 - Gemmayzeh)

            I think that “system overload” also properly describes my thought world of the past year. I have been filled to overflowing with the barbarity and especially the counter-barbarity in the lands “South of the Border” to us; the genocidal onslaught on Armenia and Artsakh (to borrow another butcher’s words, “Who speaks nowadays of the destruction of Artsakh?”) by its neighbors, assisted by the resources of “the Middle East’s only democracy”, and emboldened by the inaction of its “friends”; the lack of depth, political sense or appreciation of heritage of those in power in the “Homeland”; the pervasive indifference and confusion of the Armenian Diaspora towards the existential threats it is facing; the diabolical contradiction between the words and actions of purported champions of human rights; all of this causes a huge “system overload” in my circuitry. Is this paragraph too long? That’s “system overload” doing its thing.

Far from Beirut's din, the peace
and majesty of the cedar forest
(22 July 2024 - Arz el Barouk)

            When surge protectors interrupt an electrical circuit, either the circuit stays off until the “reset” button is pressed, or they wait a few seconds before automatically restoring the current. Maybe all of us need surge protectors to keep us from these varieties of overloading, including the surplus data that is provided to our eyes and brains via our handheld devices. That excess of information, coupled with the lack of time to reflect on so many issues of substance, cause us to fall from our true humanity, in almost as insidious a way as Adam and Eve’s transgression did. And it may explain why in the past twelve months I’ve only managed to eke out one “Nshanakir”, and why I’ve been trying since April to write this one. Seems I’m having trouble locating the “reset” button on my surge protector.

            To switch the imagery and to do some self-correcting, something I tell those who say that they are in a pit or a rut is this: “When you find yourself stuck in a hole, the first rule is – Stop Digging.” Others may advise differently, like focusing on something positive, which may be particularly challenging when the “most moral army in the world” sends its warplanes over Beirut to terrify you, as we have been enjoying of late. Oh, right, stop digging.

            Yet searching for bright spots may be the best method to finding a way out of these many pits and potholes we encounter. Here are a few.

Newly-engaged, a bright spot needing
no electricity! (21 July 2024 - Geitawi)

            One bright spot is the occasional kind taxi driver that Maria encounters in her commute. These are usually “old-timers,” fellows who are not new to the job, who exude an attitude of politeness and caring, something in short supply these tense days. Of course, Maria has a distinct advantage over me in these exchanges, being that she can converse with them in Arabic. If nothing else, it gives me peace of mind and puts a smile in my heart when I hear that one of these gents has been her chauffeur that day.

            Another bright spot happened at a sweet shop on a hot afternoon last week, when I inadvisedly bought an ice cream cone. Almost instantly it turned into a colorful series of tributaries streaming down my hand onto the sidewalk. An employee rushed out of the store and put a stack of tissues on our table, then grabbed my cone and plopped what was left of it into a cup, speaking as if to reprimand the ice cream for making such a mess all over me. She shooed me into the store to wash up at the sink behind the counter, then made me tell her what flavors (of Arabic ice cream, of course) I had ordered. She had the ice cream server make up a new order for me in a cup, of course, with the cone sticking out of it at a rakish angle. After enjoying my ice cream I went back inside to thank her. “Walaw, walaw,” she politely dismissed my thanks. Based on her awareness and consideration, I figure she may have even told the guy inside to make sure to use cups whenever serving ice cream during Lebanon’s glorious summer heat.

LebCat 62 - "Will act cute for food"
(22 July 2024 - Deir al Qamar)

            It’s just like Fred Rogers’ mother told him as a little boy when he was frightened: “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” Bright spots are there for those who are looking for them.

            Of course, the brightest spot was indubitably Sevag’s annual month-long visit. It became even brighter when his girlfriend Rhoda arrived from Pennsylvania the last week of his visit and they surprised us by exchanging rings in the middle of a kebab lunch with dear friends. The happiness and brightness quotient soared that day, and there was no system overload anywhere to be found! A few days later we held a formal engagement ceremony in the Armenian tradition, placing the wedding bands on their right hands and invoking God’s blessing on their growing relationship.

            Thinking upon such bright spots definitely help us to bridge the “power interruptions” of these days!   [LNB]